Today's realization...

Today I realized that the three cheese pizza with white sauce, onions and green olives that made my stomach hurt two days ago, was bound to have that same effect when I ate it again, ten minutes ago. Sometimes I am just not very bright.

Today's realization...

I decided to post these here in addition to myspace so I would have a record of just how crazy funny I really am.

Jan. 3rd
Today I realized that cleaning my house is aided immensely by a mocha with an extra shot. Caffiene, I thank you, my house thanks you, and the late night infomercials I will doubtlessly be watching because I won't be able to sleep thank you as well. Oh, and as an aside to all the parents that took their kids to the Hannah Montana concert tonight in limos; I spoke to Satan today (we are cool like that) and he and the good folks at Hell R&D are currently in development of a special circle just for you.

Jan. 2nd
Yeah lazy today, sorry.

Jan. 1st
Today I realized that nothing is ever stagnant. In each and every millisecond and at every moment things are changing everywhere around us. Change is omnipresent. Most often these changes are miniscule, and rarely are they earth shattering. The best way to deal with the changing landscape of our lives is to view it as an opportunity for growth; as we adapt to our new environments we expand a part of ourselves. In change we grow our capacity to learn and to love and each new experience opens our eyes to even more possibilities. I also realized that some of you do not know your music very well. My profile song is NOT the Dixie Chicks. Believe it or not music was made prior to 2000, some of it is really good, too.

Dec. 31st
Today I realized that not only does my cable company suck, but is also evil. I called Time Warner Cable today because my internet is broken and the first song I heard while on hold was Bob Dylan's "Rainy Day Women #12 and 35". To me this was no big deal, but I imagine there are more than a few people out there who might not appreciate the song's chorus of "everybody must get stoned". The next tune (I was on hold for quite some time) was "Michelle" by The Beatles. Are these people serious? I could have handled the fact that they can't fix my internet today, but did they have to remind me of that other broken thing, too? Screw you Time Warner, screw you very much.

Dec.30th
Today I realized that alcohol is bad. It leads to poor decisions, causes one to fall down in public, results in 15 minute walks in freezing temperatures to get one's car and in general makes you feel like crap the next day. I'm not really sure why it exists. So, anyone want to grab a drink?

Dec.29th
Today I realized that a bottle of wine, two appetizers and a John Cameron Mitchell movie at 3AM pulled me back from the brink of a nervous breakdown. I wasn't showing it (at least I hope I wasn't), but I was seriously on the edge. Thank you.

Dec.28th
Today I realized that the dull ache of loneliness is sanguine when compared to the acute trauma of absence. I also realized that I have a penchant for melodrama and an overdeveloped vocabulary. Lastly I realized that shopping really is the cure for everything because these new boots are adorable.

Dec.27th
Today I realized that life is about eight million times better when shared with friends. I also realized that these are much better with sarcasm and wit, sorry. Rest assured, in the world in which we live someone will do something utterly inane tomorrow and I will return to business as usual. Wait, here's one, Today I realized that terrorists really suck. Rest in peace Benazir Bhutto, you are an inspiration to women the world over.

Dec.26th
Today I realized that everyone has his or her own agenda, and sometimes what people say is really just their own frustration and fear masked as something constructive. As a result, in addition to the gong I am also going to carry a pocket tazer and shock people in the nipples as opposed to allowing myself to get frustrated by their ignorant statements.

Dec.25th
Today I realized that if I want to win at "Catch Phrase" I shouldn't let my 87 year old grandmother be on my team. The sole clue she could muster for fingernail polish was "looks pretty on". Of course the best clue of the evening belonged to my youngest brother who used "something you wear to the S&M club" to describe a choker necklace. Way to go Danny, thanks for taking the heat off of me.

Dec.24th
Today I realized that it is really hard to find whole cardamom pods. I also realized that asking someone in a store if they carry whole cardamom opens one to a whole array of judgment. Why did this man need to know to what end I planned on using said spice? Who cares why I need it, the fact remains that I need it for whatever devious purpose I choose, and I am asking if your store carries the seeds.

Maybe we wacky atheists use it to decorate our unchristmas trees, or perhaps I just want to stuff it up my nose and chase my three and five year old cousins around the house screaming, "ooooh I am the crazy cardamom lady and I am coming to get youuuuuuuuuuu". Next time I'll just wear a name tag that says, "yes I am an elitist snob that buys obscure spices so that she can impress her friends and family by making chai from scratch, it is highly possible that I have no soul". On that note I want to wish you all a very merry day that almost all Americans don't have to work and a prosperous new year.

Dec. 23rd
Today I realized that three venti chai lattes in one day is about two too many and that some of my friends are terribly pc. To anyone that was offended by my "short bus of love" statement, I sincerely apologize. Perhaps the term "differently emotionally abled" would have left a better taste in your mouth. Try this one on for size, pc police; I am an emotional mongoloid. Now where did I put that damn helmet?

Dec. 22nd
Today I realized that no matter how hard I try to keep my feelings to myself they always come out. Always. And usually at the worst time. You know how a few years ago the self help crowd was all about "emotional I.Q."? I think mine is about a 68. I ride the short bus of love.

Dec. 21st
Today I realized that my dad actually has a heart. I was invited to my parent's house for Christmas, which for most of you is probably a foregone conclusion. For me it is not. It's a Festivus miracle!

Dec. 20th
Today I realized that women should carry pocket sized gongs at all times. The gong could serve several purposes, but the primary use would be to show disapproval, i.e. when a would be suitor approaches with substandard game or a friend tells an exceedingly lame joke or is droning on and on about the bad boyfriend you told her to break up with months ago. Instead of feigning interest you could simply just bang your gong. It would also be helpful if another friend was standing in close proximity with a large bamboo cane to use as a hook in the event the annoyance is not abated by the sound of your gong. I realize I am reaching a bit with the cane thing.

Dec. 19th
Today I realized that my company's conference call hold music is really just a recycled 80s porn sound track. This goes a long way to explain the randy feeling I have most afternoons, well that and my Excel sheet fetish. Show me that formula auditing toolbar, baby. Wa chicka wa wa...

Dec. 18th
Today I realized that LifeSavers Gummies "Fruit Splosions" are the pinnacle of human invention. They are gummi savers with a juicy center which squishes when you eat them. It's like there is a party in your mouth and everyone is invited. Take that wheel. And you too sliced bread. Al Gore, I don't even want to hear from you. That is all.

Themes...

This is going to be a quickie, but hey sometimes quickies are good right? There seems to be a new trend in Cleveland, the theme restaurant. I'm quite sure this is an outgrowth of a larger theme concept, as in the past year I have attended two holiday sweater parties as well as a "make-out" party. Sadly the make-out party was one of the most egregious examples of false advertising I have ever experienced, there was a glaring absence of making out. We now have two theme restaurants of which I am aware, Melt in Lakewood devoted to the wondrous grilled cheese sandwich and Cheddars right around the corner from me in the Detroit/Shoreway which features a menu comprised solely of macaroni and cheese. Cheddars appears to be doing well and will be expanding into the space formerly occupied by Snickers Tavern, and there is rarely an empty seat at Melt.

I suppose the idea of a theme restaurant is not new, after all Greek, Italian, Mexican and Asian are all themes. It is just curious to me after a decade of the "fusion" craze, combining as many different cooking styles into one dish as possible, that the pendulum has completely swung to abject gastronomical minimalism. Part of me wonders if this is symbolic of the American predisposition to bipolar tastes. We have seen it evidenced for years in the sociopolitical climate; the liberalism of the 60s and 70s gave way to the greed of the 80s and the values voters of the past twenty years. The 2006 Congressional elections are possibly the first signs that the pendulum is swinging back to the liberal. The other part of me wonders how many miles Brooke and I have to run to burn off the calories in Cheddar's chocolate and peanut butter pie. It is divine!

The ENDA of an era?

Regardless of what comes of the recent decision to strip gender identity language from the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, one thing is certain; there are big changes afoot for LGBT activism. In so long as I have been involved with fighting for “gay” rights, the movement has always had a very community oriented and grassroots feel. Granted, my indoctrination to the cause came after a repair in the rift between formerly alienated trans folk and the greater queer community, but I have always felt a sense of camaraderie with others working towards equality and justice for everyone under the LGBT umbrella. Unfortunately, in the immortal words of John Fogerty, “I see a bad moon rising, I see trouble on the way”.

From its inception the Human Rights Campaign promoted itself as an organization working towards justice and equality for the queer community. In those days queer meant, for the most part, gay men and lesbians. Bisexual persons were an afterthought, and the transgendered were simply odd, not queer. In the early twenty first century queer theorists, including many feminists come transmen like Patrick Califia, began to embrace the notion of transgendered inclusion and the GLBT acronym was born. In 2002 the National Gay and Lesbian Taskforce, behind Matt Foreman, took the progressive stance that it would no longer support any anti-discrimination legislation that did not include a provision for gender identity and expression. In 2004 the Human Rights Campaign, now America’s largest organization involved in the promotion of queer equality, followed suit. HRC’s position had remained constant for nearly four years, until this week. In fact as recently as September of this year HRC President Joe Solomenese pledged to a room full of transpersons that HRC was committed to passing an inclusive ENDA and would “aggressively oppose” any proposed legislation that left the transgendered community behind. This statement is in sharp contrast to the official stance on trans stripped ENDA issued by the HRC on Monday. The HRC has said they can not support the bill written without gender identity and expression language, but that they will not oppose the passage of such a bill. Exactly what this means is still a matter of conjecture; the markup of the bill has been delayed, but will likely proceed to the House floor for voting in early November. Will HRC engage in the massive grassroots action messages soliciting phone calls and emails to Representatives in support of the bill? Will the HRC put its large PAC behind the bill anyways? The answer to these questions will likely determine the future of the queer rights movement.

The possible answers are frightening at best. If the HRC throws its formidable PAC and grassroots influence campaigns behind ENDA-lite it will have gone against not only a core group which it has actively recruited for the past several years, but the organization will be ignoring the pleas of the queer population at large. Non-trans gays and lesbians have spoken out en masse against the trans stripped ENDA. The thought that an organization that has courted the support, time, money and hope of a group of people, would forsake that group at the first sign of trouble is unconscionable, but feels like a real possibility at this point.

Perhaps the most compelling question emanating from the ENDA debacle is the looming spectre of passage of the bill without the active support of any major GLBT activist group, including the HRC. If the HRC doesn’t put its muscle behind the revised ENDA, and the bill passes anyways, the HRC will have basically been proven impotent. In essence years of building a viable entity to lobby for queer rights will vanish into irrelevance.

The most unfortunate outcome of the passage of ENDA-lite are the messages it will send to the queer community; namely that the legislature is completely comfortable enacting laws that don’t represent the will of our community, and that our survival in the straight dominated world is dependant on how well we can conform to their ideals. To me this sounds like paternalistic government at its worst.

One thing is certain; the future of ENDA will be a defining moment for the queer equality movement. The paths before us have never been more evident, accept what the legislature says is possible right now or rebel and make a statement that represents who we are as a community. Personally, I have never been a big fan of conformity; care to join me in a little revolution?